


Love Thy Neighbour

by EggMuffin



Series: EggMuffin's FicWriMo [14]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Eggsy is a Hot Mess, M/M, Meet-Cute, Neighbours AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 06:30:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8567788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EggMuffin/pseuds/EggMuffin
Summary: Eggsy doesn't care much for his neighbours until Harry Hart moves in next door.
EggsMuffin's FicWriMo #14.





	

**Author's Note:**

> It's another meet-cute! Also it's super rushed. Sorry.

Eggsy’s neighbourhood is pretty quiet. It’s calm, it’s respectable, nothing ever happens. It’s a blessing after living in the estates for most of his life, but he does miss the crazy old lady next door and the kids running wild. Still, his mum and little sister are happy, so he can’t complain too much.

The neighbours seem like decent people, mostly because they mind their own business. Eggsy doesn’t want to know anything about any of his neighbours, so in return, Eggsy minds his own and everyone is happy.

 ‘’We’ve got a new neighbour,’’ Eggsy’s mum says one day. ‘’Looks like a nice bloke. Middle aged, I guess.’’

‘’Huh,’’ Eggsy hums in response without processing the information, ‘’neat.’’

\--

‘’Mum!’’ Eggsy calls as soon as the door closes behind him. ‘’D’ya know who the bloke hangin’ ‘round is? With the glasses?’’

Eggsy’s mum pokes her head out from the kitchen. ‘’Dark hair? Suit?’’ she asks.

‘’Uh-uh.’’

‘’That’s our new neighbour. Harry, I think.’’

‘’Huh.’’ So the fit as fuck, daddy as fuck bloke was Eggsy’s new neighbour? Eggsy saw him getting out of the house next door when he got home from work; he was gorgeous and perfect from his coiffed hair to the toes of his polished oxfords.

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to take some interest in his neighbour? Y’know. Be polite and all that.

\--

The problem is that Eggsy has no idea how to approach his new neighbour. He doesn’t want to actually go over and introduce himself, because – he’s not good with that kind of stuff, okay? It’s one thing to chat up a bloke at the club, but introducing yourself to your really hot neighbour is quite another. Especially when said neighbour has started to star in your R-rated fantasies.

That is why Eggsy waits until Harry has finished tending to his flowers and gone back inside before taking JB out, because he doesn’t think that he can face Harry after dreaming about getting fucked by him.

So instead of establishing contact like he wants, Eggsy keeps avoiding Harry. He’s coming home from work when he sees Harry collecting his post and waits just around the corner until Harry has gone back inside.

The next day Harry gets a package, but he’s not home, so the courier knocks on the Unwins’ door. ‘’This is for Harry Hart; he should live next door? Do you know him?’’ he asks when Eggsy answers the door. ‘’No, never talked to him, sorry. Bye!’’ Eggsy says and slams the door in the man’s face.

‘’Who was it?’’ asks mum when Eggsy returns to her and Daisy in the living room. ‘’Jehovah’s witnesses,’’ says Eggsy and Googles ‘’Harry Hart’’ on his phone.

According to LinkedIn, Harry’s a tailor. That night, Eggsy’s dreams feature bondage with measuring tape. _He’s fucked_.

\--

Eventually Eggsy can’t avoid Harry any longer. He’s running late for work so he doesn’t check whether Harry’s outside before storming out. Of course, it had to be the day when Eggsy looks like a fucking mess that they finally meet each other.

Eggsy tries to look chill when Harry calls out, ‘’running late?’’ Even his voice is nice. _Fuck_.

‘’I – yeah, a bit,’’ he says, aiming for cool and collected, but ending up sounding overly cheery.

‘’Where are you going? I can give you a lift,’’ Harry offers, shaking his car keys in his hand.

Eggsy considers his options. Spend 10 minutes in a car with the man of his dreams – literally – and die from embarrassment, or take the 25 minute commute and get shit at work? ‘’If you don’t mind,’’ says Eggsy, having made his decision.

‘’Of course not.’’

\--

‘’He’s perfect, Rox! He’s a tailor. He’s really funny! He’s fit as fuck!’’

‘’You said that already, Eggs,’’ says Roxy, Eggsy’s long-suffering best mate, who has had to listen to Eggsy moan about his new neighbour for way too fucking long.

‘’But he is!’’ Eggsy rests his chin on his hand dejectedly. ‘’I kinda feel like I should do something for him. Y’know. For helping me out.’’

‘’Fucking finally, you’re catching on, Eggs. Repay the favour. Establish communication. Then seduce him and fuck his brains out.’’

‘’Rox!’’

‘’Oh! I know – bake him something. As a thank you.’’

‘’Roxy, I owe you one!’’

\--

The problem with that plan is, of course, that Eggsy can’t bake to save his life. It’s baffling that it didn’t occur to him sooner. But once Eggsy sets his mind to something, he’s going to follow through, no matter what.

So he cheats a bit and buys some cookie mix, follows the instructions on the box and soon he has a batch of cookies that smell nice and actually taste pretty good. Wasn’t the way to a man’s heart through his stomach? In that case, Eggsy is on his way to Harry’s heart.

He packs the cookies in a box, gathers up his courage, and goes around to Harry’s.

Harry opens the door in a cosy-looking cardigan and his whole look is giving off this fit professor vibe, which Eggsy is totally down with. He can be the teacher’s pet, given the right incentive (or the right teacher).

‘’Hey. So I wanted to thank you for giving me a ride the other day and also welcome you to the neighbourhood. So I baked you these,’’ he says in his best I-am-a-grown-up-who-bakes-thank-you-cookies voice.

Harry smiles and Eggsy thinks that he’s a little bit in love. ‘’That’s thoughtful of you, Eggsy. I have to ask, though – do these have nuts in them? I’m allergic, you see.’’

_Fuck_. Eggsy didn’t read the ingredients, he just read the baking instructions. The cookies could contain rat’s breastmilk for all he knows. His plan just blew up spectacularly in his face. Is this God punishing him for having impure thoughts of Harry? (Get fucked, God, Eggsy ain’t sorry.)

‘’I – ‘’ he says. Harry looks at him expectantly. ‘’Listen. These came from a box. I can’t bake for shite. I just wanted to thank you for the ride, but I also really like you so I thought that maybe I can bribe you with cookies that may or may not contain nuts. I have no fucking idea.’’

Harry looks a bit confused for a moment before he bursts out laughing. ‘’Oh, Eggsy. I’ve been doing fucking gardening in hopes of finally getting to talk to you.’’

_Doing what now?_ ‘’Really?’’

‘’Yes.’’

Eggsy grins. ‘’In that case, I’ll have you know that I’m allergen free,’’ he says with a wink.

‘’Just get inside, Eggsy.’’

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr: [eggmuffinwrites](http://eggmuffinwrites.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Up next: porn. I feel like we need more porn.


End file.
